reactions

It has been interesting to see the reactions of putting my life out there more.  I learn about people by their reactions.

This journey has taught me a lot about myself, and it has taught me a lot about those around me.

My family is rock steady.  They never know day to day what wife/mommy they are going to come home to.  They can't count on me always being able to do the things I tell them they will do.  Sometimes I take care of them, sometimes they take care of me.  They have learned a compassion deeper than any I have ever known.  I have shown them how to respect theirs and others abilities, how to be flexible, how to care for and love others in whatever ways they can each day.

Some people don't want to be or can't handle being a friend with someone like me.  That's okay with me, because I don't have the energy to waste on people who don't love me for me.  My deepest and closest friendships are with those who forgive me my shortcomings, who sit with me and talk on days when that is what I can do, and who fly with me when I am ready for that.  I have one person I can call to take my kids on a moment's notice when my husband is driving me to the emergency room.  I'm sure there may be more than that, but I know I have one who lives close(ish) enough to help me and who I would actually call with no hesitation.

I explain how I feel so people understand what is going on behind my smile.  So people know that not every day is a good one.  So people realize that I do so much want to do more than I do, but that some days I just can't.  And that it hurts me more than anyone.

Sometimes I just need someone to cry with, you know?

But overall, I'm ok.  I am happy and appreciative and have been able to do so many good things.  And I thank you all for sharing some small piece of that with me.