onion

I was going through my archives, and found the following in my drafts, which I wrote last year.......... wrestling as I always do, with who I am and where I fit in this world.  All I know is that it is a constant search, and a journey I may be on for the rest of my life.  But as long as I keep moving forward, the discovery will be worth the effort.

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Sometimes I feel like an onion who is not able to peel away the layers. It's like I know they are there, but don't feel safe to expose the center. I feel like my time has come to get right with myself and true to myself. It seems as though the more I am able to see my true self the more I am realize that not everything I am doing fits just right, and at the same time I see more clearly the areas that I enjoy and can put more attention into. There are some things that need to change. I wish I had the courage to move ahead. Sometimes I can be so strong, but mostly I feel so weak. I think that sometimes it takes a long time to get to the point where you see the truth, and then the next step is mustering the courage to take action on it. I am starting to see that the layers need to be peeled, I just need the strength it will take to peel them.

this is my time

A new year has started, and it seems the overall opinion has been good riddance to 2009, and welcome 2010.  I can't say that I disagree.  The year was certainly filled with its fair share of personal struggles and challenges that I am glad to leave in the past.

In  order to see things in a better light, this is also the end of a decade. When looking at the larger chunk of time, things were not so bad.  My family has still had struggles and challenges, but they have mostly made us stronger and better equipped to handle the new challenges we face. 

I am still unemployed, and apprehensive and nervous about how it will play out.  I am trying to approach it as an opportunity to make changes for the better.  Hopefully I will receive the support I need to do so, and more importantly have the strength regardless of the support.

The past decade has included our wedding, births, deaths, the purchase of our first home, sacrifice, reward, and the shift from entering adulthood to settling into ourselves. 

If asked then where I would be today, I know I thought I would be more settled and secure than I am.  Now I wonder if that will ever be the case.  I was so much more carefree back then and always had a good time, but made bad decisions that have followed me.  Fortunately, I also made some good ones that are also still with me.

Overall, I am hopeful and excited that this next decade will be our time.  I had a mentor once counsel me strongly to examine what it is I truly cherished in life, and to make it my reality.  This is my time.  THIS  IS MY TIME.

statistic

It seems I am a statistic.

I was laid off last week.  Truth be told, I was totally pissed off for several reasons.  This was a decision completely within the owner's control, and if he was half the stand up guy he claims to be, he would have had the decency to wait until after the holidays.  There is no way that the company was so out of money that they couldn't afford to pay me the three more paychecks it would have taken to get me to 2010.

Furthermore, I was sold a faulty bill of goods.  Swampland in Florida.  I left the security of my previous job for growth and opportunity and was left with neither.  The recession was out of his control.  The poor decision making and lack of follow through along the way was not.

And now that that whining is over........

I have spent this week not being very productive, and not getting many of my to do items accomplished.  I have gotten my share of extra sleep and found that there really is not anything good on tv.

But that is over, and now it is time for me to begin to move on.  Thanksgiving is here, and I am hosting.  I need to get the house company clean, and babyproof for the busy little two year old who will be spending some time here.

It's funny, I am always given a good dose of family right when I need one.

disease, sesame street, and flowers.... oh my!!!

Welcome to the November 5th version of Thursday Thunks!

This week we will answer some

crazy questions brought to you by

Kimber, the color of sweet potato pie and the number B12.

1. Mad Cow disease, Bird Flu, Swine Flu...what barnyard animal will cause the next big outbreak of disease?
I feel like we should probably be on the lookout for Goat Fever, Whale Bloat, and Giraffe Sneeze.  Hell, I'm even afraid to pet the cat now for fear of catching Feline Whisker Migraine.

2. Sesame Street turns 40 this month. If you were to be on Sesame Street, which character would you want to be in a scene with?

Ok, well first, this would be my freakin' dream to be on Sesame Street.  I grew up on the stuff, I love it, and I'm not afraid to admit it.  I mean, I totally cried when Mr. Hooper died.  Making me choose just one character to be in a scene with is sorta like picking my favorite kid.  Yikes! 

 

Sooooooo.......

 

I would want to start my day waking up in Bert and Ernie's room, and helping Ernie annoy Bert for a bit.  Then I would take a peek at the Twiddlebugs in his window box before leaving to go see the Count.  

 

I'm thinking we'd get to about SIX, BWA HA HA HA, before I decided to make my way over to see Cookie Monster.  We would resist eating the cookies for a minute or two before shoving them all in our faces spraying crumbs everywhere.  

 

To work off the cookies I would find Grover for a rousing game of Neeeeaaar, Faaaaarrrrrrr.  Near, far, nearfar.  

 

At this point I would probably compete against Prairie Dawn and the Martians (Yip-yip-yip-yip. Uh-huh. Uh-huh.) in a game show hosted by Guy Smiley.  The Martians wouldn't understand the game and I would let Prairie Dawn win, she is such a sweet kid after all.

 

I'm exhausted by now, so I'm thinking a big old nap in Big Bird's nest.  I would wake up, just missing Snuffleupagus (I am from the frustrated generation that struggled to prove he is real) and have a few laughs with Telly and Herry Monster.  (Forget that Abby/Elmo/Zoe crap.  I am old school.)  

 

I would end my day in Oscar's trash can.  He is my true heart's desire.

  

3. We are out shopping for a new laptop. Which one do you pick and why?

I covet this.....

 

4. Have you ever dried a flower in a book (pressing)? If so what was the flower and the name of the book?

The only time I remember doing this is when my daughter and I were in my friend's wedding.  I pressed the flowers from each of our bouquets.  I didn't put them in a book, they are in plastic sleeves.  

 

5. Do you think it's important to study other planets? If so, why or why not?

Important for what?  I always loved astromony, so I guess it is important TO ME in that it is interesting.  I am not sure what practical knowledge we are gaining at this point by studying our own solar system, but perhaps there may be more value in what is happening beyond it.

 

(And ten bucks says Bud works "Uranus" into his response.... any takers??)

:)

 

6. Have you ever walked out of a movie at the theater? What was the movie, how much was the ticket and why did you walk out?

Nah, just can't do it.  I am one of those stick to it types when it comes to these things.  (aka OCD)  I have in recent years forced myself to put down a book or turn off a movie that is starting to suck.  These days it is mostly because once I've forked up the $$$ to be at the theater, I am committed to it - suck or not.

 

7. Does the city/town you live in have traffic enforcement cameras? Have you ever gotten a citation/ticket/fine from one? If so, did you pay or fight it?

Good grief, we only have four street lights total and three police officers..... so no.  Our budget has not yet provided for surveillance equipment.

8. If your neighbor is having a baby would you buy a baby gift for them?

Those are the kind of things I think of, and then never follow through on.  I suck at follow through, but I mean well.

 

9. How many questions are too many questions?

I'm not sure, but actually JUST thought as I was answering the last question that this was a higher than normal amount of questions this week.  Cool.  Isn't bothering me.  Just something I noticed.  :)

 

10. Do you have a handwritten journal you write in everyday?

I don't.  I used to journal a lot, but I don't write daily.  Now I just do it when I need to work through my thoughts.

 

11. Have you already made plans for 2010?

Wow - more than I can believe actually!  I have plans all the way through November.  There are some summer openings at this time if you would like to make an appointment.

 

12. Thursday Thunks has a huge party for all those who play along each week. Where is the party, how long does it last and does Kimber fall off the roof dropping crayons? If so, what color of crayon does she fall on?

Huh?  Is there beer at this party?  And is the beer, GOOD beer?

 

13. We may have "blogger celebrity" questions in the near future. Are you excited?

I am TOTALLY excited!!!

 

Ummmmm...... what is a celebrity blogger question?