who i am

I am guarded.  I am loud.  I love to talk, and I love to listen.  I observe and analyze and analyze and analyze.  I hate the cold and the dark and the snow.  I get depressed and sad and lonely.  I am not good at making or keeping friends.  I try so hard, but people don't know it.  They just think I am ignoring them or trying too hard or I don't know what or not at all.  They don't know how difficult it is sometimes.  I keep my heart locked in a box in a cave in a secret world that is not found on any map.  I smile and laugh to mask my pain.  I feel love and admiration.  I feel jealousy and hurt.  I have a million unfulfilled dreams.  I am desperate to have the things I can't, and hate myself for it.  I am always the third priority.  I am trying to give it all I can.  Sometimes a person's best is never good enough.

365:1 - the girls of 2011

This is me and three of my best girlfriends some time after midnight. What a treat to get to ring in the new year with them. I never get to see them often enough. We added Pink Poodle for color and flavor. What a blast!

project life/project 365

Project 365 - what is that?

Well, the idea is to take a photo every day of your everyday life, and remember the little details that make up an extraordinary life.  My goal is to take a photo each day of 2011 and post it here with a little bit of detail about what is going on with me.  Hopefully it turns into something.  You just never know where a new year is going to take you.  At the very least, you will get to know a little bit more about me.

To see how my friends are doing this year, please visit their links in my sidebar.

2010 round up

Here is this year's version of the quiz I have done in the past.......
 
2006

2007

What books and/or magazines did I read this year?
Real Simple.  Travel + Leisure.  A million and one chick lit books.  I finished tons of books I have started and never finished.  That was the biggest accomplishment.

What movies and/or tv shows did I watch this year?
Greys.  I found the season finale two of the most intense hours of television I have ever watched.  I have healed along with Yang.  When she said "Being a hero has its price."  Some of the most truthful piercing words ever uttered.  Feeling the sunlight on her face and remembering to let go and embrace the tears.  Waiting for my Meredith to stand by my side and lay on the floor of the ER with me.  Where is she?

What special days did I celebrate and how?
Ten year wedding anniversary on my favorite place on Earth - Cape Cod.  Stood on the beach in front of the sunset with my favorite people to recommit myself to my true love.

What gifts did I give and/or receive?
I have crafted lots of things this year.  Hopefully they are appreciated by their recipients.  Made with love for sure.

What illnesses or health concerns did I have?
Everything.  Doctors trying to help me find my baseline.  My normal.  I haven't seen it in years.  Feels like an elusive goal right now.  Getting there piece by piece.  Part of a sacrifice I made that can never be recovered.

What fun things did I do with my friends and/or family?
The summer of sun.  Beach, beach, and more beach.  Wake up, pack a cooler, sit on the beach.  Hang with family and friends. The perfect summer.

What new foods, recipes or restaurants did I try this year?
Hibachi.  We all love it except Curly Q who jumps back every time the fire flames up.  More sake, more happy.

What special or unusual purchases did I make?
Cars!!  About frakkin time.  Both cars practically fell apart seconds before being traded in.  Totally could not afford it, but really had no choice.

What were this year's disappointments?
I have realized that sometimes I just cannot count on others.  It really is up to me.

What were my accomplishments this year?
Putting myself first and doing what mattered to me.  Standing up for myself.  Being my own damn cheerleader.  Becoming more of the wife and mother I know I can be.  Spending more time with my family, and enjoying more time with my friends who are there for me.  Lots of discovery.

Anything else noteworthy to record?
I am on an upswing I think.  I have only good wishes and expectations for 2011.  I am becoming the me I know I can be.