who i am

I am guarded.  I am loud.  I love to talk, and I love to listen.  I observe and analyze and analyze and analyze.  I hate the cold and the dark and the snow.  I get depressed and sad and lonely.  I am not good at making or keeping friends.  I try so hard, but people don't know it.  They just think I am ignoring them or trying too hard or I don't know what or not at all.  They don't know how difficult it is sometimes.  I keep my heart locked in a box in a cave in a secret world that is not found on any map.  I smile and laugh to mask my pain.  I feel love and admiration.  I feel jealousy and hurt.  I have a million unfulfilled dreams.  I am desperate to have the things I can't, and hate myself for it.  I am always the third priority.  I am trying to give it all I can.  Sometimes a person's best is never good enough.