love me 2: dreams flashback

Dear Future,

Childhood dreams are such powerful things.  In a way, they are what shape your life, what guides your future.  When you are a child you can really open up your mind and explore without limits.  A child's imagination knows no limits.

When I was a child, I imagined a whole life for myself.  I was going to be a famous actress.  I was going to get married and have a baby girl named Samantha Harrington.  (I guess I was going to have to marry someone with the last name of Harrington.)  I was going to be rich and famous and happy.

Or sometimes I imagined that I would be a famous archeologist.  I was going to travel to a remote location and spend my day uncovering artifacts in a big dig.  I would find a new undiscovered type of dinosaur.

Sometimes I dreamed that I would be a famous writer.  I would spend my days sitting on the beachside writing in my journals.  Always writing by hand to preserve authenticity.  That dream progressed into wanting to be a journalist.  I wanted to write articles for a large newspaper.  I actually started college as a journalism major.  This was right as the OJ scandal hit, and after watching weeks of coverage, I decided I never wanted to spend my life camped outside an alleged murderers house.

At one point I really wanted to be a successful businesswoman.  I wanted to break through all of the glass ceilings and be the person in charge of a company.  I imagined that I would live in Boston, and work on the top floor of a tall building with a huge office with giant windows overlooking the city.

Sometimes I really miss that ability to dream without bounds, to imagine without limits. 

Love,
Me

365:22 - bball all star

My little basketball all-star!!

I was never much of a dancer or cheerleader growing up. But that seems to be where I have been living my life the last ten years.

When I finally had my little one agree to do basketball I almost did backflips across the living room! A sport with a ball! I could not be more excited! And best of all, she really loves it!

She had a game today, and scored the first points of the game. So proud!!

365:21 - dreamy dean

We went out for drinks with the gang. This is my favorite date, Dean. He is so much like my husband that sometimes I forget and treat him like we are married. But again, he is so much like my husband that he doesn't mind.

He is probably the nicest guy I have ever met. Love him!

365:20 - shady glen

Dinner out with my bestie Steven. If you are from around here, you know exactly where we are from this pic. If not, it is a fabulous little eatery that has an old fashioned feel, with soda made with sweet syrup and delicious milkshakes. (I had mocha.)

They also make their cheeseburgers with the cheese hanging off the bun and fried. And you can get a side of fried cheese as seen here. If you can ignore the calorie count - heavenly!!

365:19 - lunch and an old friend

As suggested by a reader here (Thanks Martha!!) I decided to organize a lunch with the local ladies.  I was pleasantly surprised with the positive reaction to the idea!  We ended up with ten of us at lunch.  It was great to get out of the house and have some good conversation - with adults!  :) 

An old friend of mine that I haven't seen in a long time was able to make it.  It was so great to see her again!  We will definitely be doing this again soon.

365:18 - henry likes to climb

Last summer we somehow got roped into becoming hermit crab owners by the kids. I have to admit though, they are pretty interesting. We have them mostly figured out, and they are fairly low maintenance.

We find this little guy, Henry, hanging around on the temperature and humidity gauges. He can usually be found following Gus, the tanks largest crab, around wherever he goes. This week though, Gus has tunneled under the sand, so Henry must have gotten bored and climbed up there. We are not really sure how he got up there.

love and laughter with zappos

I was window shopping on zappos (yes, I online window shop, but this isn't about that....) and I was looking at this shoe:

Do you think they are cute?  I am looking for a comfortable and sensible pair of mom shoes to go with my new mom car and mom lifestyle.  (Ugh - I can feel I am over the hill on this transition and there seems to be no looking back now.)

Well, if you shop online much (window or otherwise) you will notice they often provide you some suggested items on the side of the screen based on your viewing history.  So, what about that pair of shoes up there do you think made zappos think I might be interested in this beauty???

Yowzas, Zappos!!!  

You know, I was beginning to think we were at the start of a beautiful friendship.  You were doing so well what with the free shipping and easy returns and all.  I thought you knew me!  And then you drop this bomb?!

I'm going to give you another chance, Zappos.  But mostly because I appreciate your sense of humor.  Besides the unnatural association made above, there is always what drew me to you in the first place........

365:17 - ladies luncheon

Way back in the day, my mother started having a ladies luncheon on MLK day. It was one of the few holidays she used to get off from work. All the women in my family would come. It was a great time.

My parents have since moved, and ladies luncheon sort of fell off. But this year I got a call from my aunt to come up to her house for ladies luncheon. I was so excited! We made a taco dip and chicken and rice dish to share. It was so much fun and I'm glad we went.

project love me: idream

I came across an interesting project to write more about myself and allowing those around me to learn more about who I am.  It is actually intended to be a scrapbook challenge, but for me, my writing has become my scrapbook for now, so I will be doing it here.  I can't promise 100% success, but I am going to give it my best.

It is called Project Love Me and the details can be found here:  Love, Me

The first prompt is iDream, and is a letter about my current hopes and dreams.........
==================================================================
Dear Friends,

Hopes and dreams are so important to who a person really is.  Over the last several years I think it is part of myself that I have really lost.  Part of that is because of all the dreams that have never been fulfilled, and part of it is the realization of all the dreams that will never come to be.  I think I have developed a bit of a beaten spirit, and it is not something that I am particularly proud of.

One of my dreams is financial stability.  There are some things that have gotten in the way of that, things I cannot change now, but I always thought things would and should be easier by now.  I look forward so much to the day when this is a reality.

Simply enough, I wish I had a housekeeper!  Truth is, I am just not good at it.  I don't like to do it.  And I hate when it isn't done.  If someone could just sweep in once a week and do the dirty work (kitchen, bathroom, dusting, floors) DANG!  Life would just be so much easier!

I dream of good times with friends filled with laughter and smiles and sharing and hugs and talking and caring about each other.  I dream of having friends and best friends.

Another dream is to see my children succeed.  Their success in all aspects of their lives just brings me such pride and joy.  Sometimes it is because of me and sometimes in spite of me.... but they are better people than I could ever be.  I am so happy to see them shine!

I dream that I will find the day when I am finally healthy and happy and have energy and happiness and joy.  I have spent so long in pain and feeling tired that I have almost forgotten what is like not to be this way.  There must be some glimpse of it in my mind though, because it is what reminds me that this is not a normal way to live.  I dream of the day when this is not my normal anymore.

I dream of growing old with my husband, traveling the world with him and enjoying each other's company, watching our grandchildren grow up, and retiring to our home on the Cape to live out our days watching the tide grow in and out.  That is my ultimate dream..........

Love,
Me

365:16 - bejeweled

This was the best day. Met my girlfriends for lunch at PF Changs, and then wandered around the mall.

I am a little obsessed with cocktail rings and got caught up trying one on every finger. So then of course I had to put on some necklaces to match. Do I look cute?

We ended the day at Starbucks. When they asked my name to write on my cup I said Alexa. I think it suits me.

365:15 - sister slumber party

After an afternoon of shopping, the girls decided to have a slumber party together. Since seperating their rooms, they still like to share once in a while. Here they are watching movies.

365:14 - yawn

***YAAAWWWWWNNNNNN***

I am thoroughly exhausted. I spent all day unrolling all of the toilet paper rolls in the house. They are so much fun to spin off the roll!

Now time for a nap.

zodiac killer

There is a new article out proposing that there was originally thirteen zodiac signs instead of twelve, and also adjusts the dates of the existing signs a bit.  It's got everyone (well a good percentage of my facebook friend list at least) in an uproar. 

The old chart looked like this:
 Aries: March 21 - April 19
Taurus: April 20 - May 20
Gemini: May 21 - June 20
Cancer: June 21 - July 22
Leo: July 23 - August 22
Virgo: August 23 - September 22
Libra: September 23 - October 22
Scorpio: October 23 - November 21
Sagittarius: November 22 - December 21
Capricorn: December 22 - January 19
Aquarius: January 20 - February 18
Pisces: February 19 - March 20

The new chart looks like this:
Capricorn: Jan. 20-Feb. 16
Aquarius: Feb. 16-March 11
Pisces: March 11-April 18
Aries: April 18-May 13
Taurus: May 13-June 21
Gemini: June 21-July 20
Cancer: July 20-Aug. 10
Leo: Aug. 10-Sept. 16
Virgo: Sept. 16-Oct. 30
Libra: Oct. 30-Nov. 23
Scorpio: Nov. 23-Dec. 17
Sagittarius: Dec. 17-Jan. 20

So what does this all mean?  Do you need to have your old zodiac sign tattoo lasered off so that you can replace it with the new one?  Should you run screaming through the streets in a panic?  Of course it does!

For fun, let's look at what this did to my personality.  I've gone along peacefully for the past 30+ years as a typical Gemini.  I found this description:
"Gemini people are many sided, quick both in the mind and physically. They are brimming with energy and vitality, they are clever with words. They are intelligent and very adaptable to every situation and every person. Gemini are curious and always want to know what's going on in the world around them. They are not one to sit back and watch the world go by, they want to be involved. This can sometimes make Gemini nosy, they do not mind their own business! This is because they really enjoy communicating, more so then most other astrology signs, they are the ultimate social butterfly. Gemini can talk and talk, but they have interesting things to say, their talk is not mindless babble. They have interesting opinions and thoughts on things and are not afraid to speak their mind. They are always in the know and are the one to see for the latest juicy gossip. Lacking perseverance, Gemini easily goes off topic to explore another thought or idea. Gemini are superficial, they will form opinions on matter without diving into them and exploring them fully. This can lead them into thinking they know everything, which they usually do but their mind is too busy to be concerned with fine details. Routine and boredom are Gemini's biggest fears. Gemini would rather be naive then know the depressing truth, they do not want anything putting a damper on their freedom or positive energy."

I was going to underline the parts that applied to me, but then I realized that would just mean underlining the whole thing, since I'm pretty sure whoever wrote that did so after spending a year observing my day to day activity.

But now, I have a new Taurus-y outlook on life:
"Taurus is the one who has immense perseverance, even when others have given up, the Taurus rages on. Solid and persistent, just like the bull, which is Taurus' well suited symbol. Taurus's have a well known reputation for being stubborn, which is not necessarily a bad thing. The stubborn streak can cause Taurus to butt heads and conflict with other strong character types. Taurus are not fond of change. They like the familiar and routine comfort of life. Taurus is easy going and not one to pick a fight but should some poor souls attempt to provoke Taurus, the wrath will be known, for they have a temper underneath the calm surface. Taurus are very responsive to their surroundings. They like decorations, color, anything that appeals to all the senses. Taurus like possessions and the Taurus home is nicely decorated with lots of things. Taurus are down to earth, they do not like gaudy, flashy or over the top things. They prefer comfortable and creative settings and objects. Taurus likes security, in every aspect of their lives from home, to love, to career. Taurus can be secretive, opinionated and stingy. Taurus tend to be self-indulgent and lazy, Taurus are master procrastinators of the astrology zodiac! They do however have a strong, persistent drive that comes to life when they chose, and no one would ever know that they are lazy. The secret to this is that their laziness is pushed aside when it comes to themselves."

What do you think?  Does that sound more like me than the Gemini personality?


Of course, there is always the other theory that horoscopes are just detailed enough to be interesting, while general enough to apply to any reader.

I suppose I will just have to save my panic for another day.

365:13 - snow day squared

2nd snow day in a row. Pretty much unheard of around here. Generally, we tough it up and get back to our routines by day two of a storm. Instead, we are on day two of lounging around the house in our pajamas. You can see just how broken up about it they are. :)

365:12 - snow as high as an elephant's eye

It snowed as high as the mailbox. Over two feet of snow has fallen so far. Highest snowfall in a 24 hour period for this area.

Have I mentioned that I hate winter?

Is it spring yet? How bout now? Now?

365:11 - mb

Snuggling up with Miss Beth. She has been their dance teacher for the past ten years. It has been a long and incredible journey!

I found the dance school by watching them perform at a fair in the park. While the older kids were impressive, seeing how Miss Beth interacted with the little ones, was what drew me to her studio. She cares for these children like they are her own.

plum

Ok.  After talking and more talking and phone calls and nasty emails and even more talking....... things are looking like they might be straightened out. 

But I am just plum wore out!!

I'm telling you though... these kids better understand and appreciate what I have done for them, because I will never go through this again.

mama bear

Did I mention I am embroiled in this huge battle with the dance school right now?  It is really draining the life out of me!  But I have learned a lot about who I am as a mother through the experience.  In the past I have been pretty laid back about accepting our lots in life, but lately it seems I am willing to fight to the death to protect my kids and to preserve what is rightfully theirs.  It is more fight than I really thought I had in me, but it will hopefully be worth it in the end.

365:10 - type to learn

Learning how to type by using the software Type to Learn. They use it in Computers class, and she is trying to catch up by working at home. When she is done, she may even be able to type using an actual keyboard, and not just on a cell phone. ;)

winter funk

I am in such a huge funk!  I hate it!  Winter blues or some such.  Not feeling well isn't helping, I'm sure.  The rheumatologist is working hard on trying to make me feel better.  The cold is really making me achy and overall blah.  I'm going to try to go out of my way to get out, feel the sunshine on my face, and get my groove back.  If you are so inclined, please join me.  The more company, the better.

365:9 - non-slumber party

It is just adorable how, at 2am, these girls are going through the motions of pretending like they might actually put their heads down and go to sleep. The reality is, there were at least two more hours of charades to go before there was any attempt at slumber at this party.

365:8 - neon

These girls are everything you see in this picture - bright, sassy, fun, colorful, and full of life!  They are a dance team, and watching them grow from little girls together has been a special experience to be a part of.  Love them!

365:7 - no snow day

The kids were released from school early today because of the impending snow storm. See how stormy it is at 5pm? :P

The snow that is on the ground is from the day after Christmas blizzard. The storm that is in the air........ doesn't exist.

The girls spent the afternoon relaxing. I guess it doesn't hurt to have a veg out day once in a while. And at least our school district didn't blow a snow day like many others around. An early release day still counts as a school day.

365:6 - cell phone cheerleaders

I am usually the picture mom. I am known for having the camera up in front of my face at every event.

Over the last year though I have completely been slacking. Case in point - this photo.

Knowing that I wanted my picture today to be of the cheerleaders performing at the basketball game, I brought my big camera to the game. Turns out it takes better pictures when you have a photo card in it. UGH!!!!!

So here is the crappy photo I captured on my cell phone. DOH!!!!!

new year's non-resolution goals

I don't really believe in New Year's Resolutions.  It is just a game people play in January, forgotten by February.  I would however, like to make a few goals.  Goals are good.  They keep a person motivated.

1.  Continue with my weight loss.  I lost about 35 pounds in 2010.  Hard fought pounds they were.  Coming off IVF did not make this any easier.  Hormone fluctuations trip out my whole system.  I took control of things in about September, and have been losing a couple pounds a week.  My plan is to just keep chugging along this way.  Nothing radical, just steady forward progress.

2.  Pay off some debt.  I wish finances were a little easier for us, but they just aren't.  I just want to get a better handle on things this year.  Maybe not make each time I go to pay bills so scary.  I have made some cuts this week to our expenses, and have a plan for the next six months.  With some support, I think this can be doable.

3.  Enjoy family time.  We had some fantastic bonding last year, and I want to keep this going.  We had some great vacations, enjoyed some extracurricular activities together, spend time crafting together.  I just want to keep the good vibes going.

4.  Go back to church.  We found an excellent church.  I have just been lazy about going.  I need to get back into the habit.  My heart is telling me this every week.

5.  Nuture my friendships.  Often I feel people base their opinion of me on the mistakes I've made or who I used to be and not on who I am now.  If they spent some time with me now, maybe they would see.  Maybe they wouldn't, and those friendships weren't meant to be.  But I can tell you this, I need more people willing to reach out to me, and I am willing to reach out in return.  I need a friend I can meet for coffee.  Someone who thinks of me when they have nothing to do or are looking for someone to shop with or to see a movie with or to make plans with on a weekend.  Someone to talk to.

6.  Continue to work on improving my health.  I have seen every doctor and they have run every test.  There is still more to do.  My immune system needs help!  They are getting closer, and every visit makes me feel like there may be some answers soon.  I am just going to keep doing what I need to, and follow all of their instructions.  Fingers crossed.


So those are my goals.  What are yours for 2011?

365:5 - baby it's cold inside

What can I tell you. Heating oil is expensive, and we are broke. Our heat this year looks like this. Blankets, socks, sweatshirts, more blankets, and snuggling. That's your heat. Enjoy!

When Dad was here for Christmas, he offered me $100 to turn up the heat. I had to think about it..... :)

365:4 - tuesday carpool

This is a pretty typical moment with these two. They found some props, and had to model them. They definitely take after their mothers.

365:3 - the hand that feeds you

Since she is the one always asking for a snack, she is the one tasked with feeding the cats. They know it is her job, and beg her to feed them whenever she walks by their food dish. It is a nice relationship actually.

365:2 - treats

Present exchange today with the in-laws. It was nice to see everyone, even if only for a little while.

For BIL and his wife I decorated some jars for their kitchen. First one is dog treats. Second is cat treats. Third is people treats. The people treats were already being dug into seconds after the gift was opening. I hope they enjoy!

And as a side note, it was hard to fill the jars without some unsolicited assistance from my furkids. I had to share some of the treats with them in order to finish uninterrupted! :)

who i am

I am guarded.  I am loud.  I love to talk, and I love to listen.  I observe and analyze and analyze and analyze.  I hate the cold and the dark and the snow.  I get depressed and sad and lonely.  I am not good at making or keeping friends.  I try so hard, but people don't know it.  They just think I am ignoring them or trying too hard or I don't know what or not at all.  They don't know how difficult it is sometimes.  I keep my heart locked in a box in a cave in a secret world that is not found on any map.  I smile and laugh to mask my pain.  I feel love and admiration.  I feel jealousy and hurt.  I have a million unfulfilled dreams.  I am desperate to have the things I can't, and hate myself for it.  I am always the third priority.  I am trying to give it all I can.  Sometimes a person's best is never good enough.

365:1 - the girls of 2011

This is me and three of my best girlfriends some time after midnight. What a treat to get to ring in the new year with them. I never get to see them often enough. We added Pink Poodle for color and flavor. What a blast!

project life/project 365

Project 365 - what is that?

Well, the idea is to take a photo every day of your everyday life, and remember the little details that make up an extraordinary life.  My goal is to take a photo each day of 2011 and post it here with a little bit of detail about what is going on with me.  Hopefully it turns into something.  You just never know where a new year is going to take you.  At the very least, you will get to know a little bit more about me.

To see how my friends are doing this year, please visit their links in my sidebar.